so since edwin's birthday everything else has been the same. drama. school. family. ex-boyfriend. friends. blah blah blah. so its been around that ive been hanging around a bunch of losers. fyi: daniel, william, andrew, ralphie, robert, & edwin are not a bunch of losers, a bunch of druggies & a bunch of potheads. sorry to tell you kiddos, but these group of losers you call are a bunch of good loyal fuckin awesome drama free always wanting to live life & enjoy it punks that i care for dearly. they help me keep life as stable as i can keep it. they help me keep my feet on the ground & yet when trouble follows, they are there to back me up regardless of the situation. no doubt in my mind will i ever regret meeting people like them. so how bout you get it straight. yeah?

i miss my friends so much. i really dont know whats going on. i dont like this whole after high school shit where i dont get to see them as much. everyone is busy with school, family & work. i miss partying with them & just being around them. ive called jerico for a week straight & never heard from him. leanne is busy with school. nina gots pac modern in long beach. jholly & jerel have their own things to do. elaine & noel are busy with the baby. reagan always gots work & school. rickertt is around, but he gots his own shit to handle. big mike works too damn much & i hardly see him around. i really miss my homies. maybe if i get a job in the summer then, i wouldnt notice all this too much. but im tired of being m.i.a. im tired of never getting phone calls. im tired of being excluded.

the ex-boyfriend. a person i dont get at times. im trying my hardest to keep things cool but the second that they start to be, he goes & says something that upsets me & makes me mad. i really dont know what to do. but at times i just get annoyed & want to block him out for the rest of my life. but hey, i want to be there for him at times you know? fuckk. idk bout that guy. maybe once he realizes things are really different & ive completely moved on, not to another guy, but ready for the next chapter in my life, hopefully thats when he just backs off & be friends. im tired of him still trying to check up on me & expect me to do the same shit i used to do when we were together. like if i talk to him & the rest of the day i dont, he flips out as if "im treating him like shit" again. iono. how else to tell him. i dont mean to treat him like shit, but at times it seems to be whats necessary. im living my own life now & hes not apart of it. word? its okay for him to care just not care so much as a boyfriend or a father cuz he honestly treats me like it. its just annoying...
so now im just at home watching smallville. a good episode so for now ill be idle. byee. have fun & be safe kiddos. have a good nights rest & an amazing morning!

&kisses;mariiaaa

"vacation came to an end"

[ sunday feb 18.07 ] ading casy woke up me at the casa. got ready all quick so we could hang. took some pictures. drove around oxnard trying to find a place for ading to get her hair cut. we ended up getting her hair done at the hair place next to san jose market. gosh, my ading is soooo freaking hot. shes like getting hotter & hotter. geeez. i really missed her. the last time i saw her, it was about two years ago when i was still in hip hop. long ass time ago. so she got her hair done. we were gonna go grab a bite, but her parentals called & said they were leaving soon. that sucked ass. they took me home & i said goodbye to her. & that was it. i wouldnt be seeing her for another long time or so. arghhhh. keem called. major crisis happening. she came over & told me the drama. wtf brian! seriously. what are you thinking. youre fuckin up man! so we talked about whats been happening. boyfriend came & we dropped poohgur off to nina's house. thanks for taking care of her beb! ate at sumo restaurant. i drove boyfriends car today. & yay!!!! i didnt stall. & what f0o? boyfriend hung out with his friends, keem & i had the day for ourselves. went to nina's & chilled. watched movies. ate ice cream. carter stopped by & said hello. caught up on some shit. at more ice cream. i hella fell asleep at nina's like all kinds. they said poohgur & i are alike cuz everytime i was falling asleep, poohgur would be too. haha. i also bought some cute shoes at kmart today. thanks to keem. woke up & went to mi casa. dropped of poohgur. got the goods. leanne wanted to get all faded so we went over. boyfriend got a lil argh cuz i didnt want him to go. i just wanted to be with my friends. so boyfriend dropped us off & like always he threw a lil tantrum. i can never take it. i just dont get how he doesnt get me still. its been this long & he still doesnt get how things work with me. how "im all about fun & my friends" & how "im so selfish" & that "i dont care about anyone else, but me" its like geez. iono whatever. im getting really argh about it. & im just like whatever. i get so frustrated on everything & so annoyed & argh everything thats happening. its driving me crazy. anyways. kicked back at leannes. it was pretty chill. just me leanne keem reagan jerico & jc. wow i havent seen that guy in forever in a day. weerd. but whatever. didnt do much but eat ice cream & pizza. then we just went home. keem spent the night & boyfriend was getting on my case. i was like. CHILL! shit. fuck that i went to sleep. hahah

[ monday feb 19.07 ] keem & i woke up late. like around 12ish. when i woke up boyfriend was already downstairs watching television. he got mad at me cuz he wasnt the first person i called once i woke up but it was leanne that i called. does it matter? sheeez. i was like goddamn. he ended up leaving cuz i was really pissed & mad. broke it off with him cuz i couldnt take it anymore. he just kept pushing it. too much. keem & i didnt know what to do. so we called boyfriend. he came by & picked us up. went & got mongolian bbq. shit man. me & keem went crazy on it. hhaa. came home & watched some television. boyfriend left & keem & i just chilled at the house watching comp tapes & television. sadly, keem had to go home like around 8ish cuz she has school the next day. i just stayed home. boyfriend was at high end. after he came by brought some food & ice cream. ate. i cleaned my room & fixed the clothes. i didnt sleep until 5 something in the morning. boyfriend was having a hard time sleeping because of his coughing.

today i've done nothing but homework. woke up really late & continued to do my homework. started getting lazy & wanted to eat. so i ate tilapia, rice with soy suace. im probably gonna go back to doing homework tomorrow. sheez. school starts again tomorrow. mann. i have a test tomorrow too for freaking history. im pretty sure that im gonna fail that test. damn. then another exam on friday for math. dammit. i cant fail anymore. i cant get bad grades. well whatever. ima try my best. just watching television right now & my stomach hurts. dont want to go to school but i have to. whatever. laater. ima sleep it early tonight.

&kisses;mariiaaa

the vacation i was looking forward to at the boyfriends wasnt all what i expected. dont get me wrong on this, but it just wasnt what we usually did. so valentine's day was a success after giving him his present that i put much effort into. had our dinner at cheesecake factory. went to the boyfriends late at night. when we got there, we didnt go straight to sleep. just watched some television & go on the computer. next morning [thursday; feb.15.07] i ended up waking up around the same time. one ish. had a bad dream. dont you hate those, when you dream something & remember every single detail & yet its something you dont want to remember. well anyways. boyfriend got ready for escuela while poohgur & i stayed home. he made me my routine sandwhich when im at his place. watched television & fell asleep with poohgur. boyfriend ended up ditchin class again & came home pretty early. when he got back, i hadnt taken a shower yet, went to ralphs & did some grocery shopping. if i went, i could & will, get whatever i want to make for dinner. yay! so off we go to ralphs down the street. picked up some good shit. got my apple juice & my rocky road ice cream. to go. haha. got some chicken. holler. water & chef boyardeee! & some other shit we bought. got home & ate rice with soy sauce & the chicken. really good stuff. watched television & went online. huan came home & we waited for david, cuz he was coming from san diego. we were suppose to go out, but wasnt feelin' it. ended up stayin home, eating some grub & watchin "the prestige".

next morning [friday; feb.16.07] woke up around the same time again. we didnt do much besides just stay there & watch television. boyfriend & david went on a food run. got some zangkou chicken & i got me my pollo fries. indeed it was good while watching mxc. good shit. packed all our belongings & headed for the road. i hate having to leave in the middle of the day especially in hollywood/orange county area. we were in traffic for about two and a half hours. holy cow! got really grumpy. argh. went straight to high end cuz boyfriend was really excited that his rims & tires came in. food run to hawaiian bbq. back to high end & chilled. van duzer, mike, edwin, raphy & some other f0ols came up. said hello & goodbye. it was weerd seeing them there. i usually dont see them around anywhere. well a little after, boyfriend & i decided to leave cuz i wasnt feelin the vibe of being there anymore. drove to jerico's casa & josh & them were thre, but my gurlie wasnt. went home & got the hookah & drove back to jerico's. waited for a long time just trying to figure out what we were gonna do. people started steppin up. leanne, reagan, mike & i headed towards starbucks, but went back to jericos to drop off poohgur & see if any of them wanted to go to denny's. change of plans. went to denny's & boy did i have tons of fun. kept capping on reagan. hahah -=) ate tons of food. & mike. that f0ol. love that guy. makes me laugh all kinds. after mike was all stuffed we took him home, then me to boyfriends. now im at boyfriends & most likely we are gonna stay here. i dont really like sleeping at home

i love hanging out with my friends. even though we dont always hang out & at times we're always just sitting there thinking of something to do for the longest time. something always ends up poppin'. it just takes awhile. & if youre with the right bunch, it dont matter if we just be kickin it in the car & crackin jokes. its all good. yah hurrd? i really love my friends. i get really excited to see them & spend time with them. those are my homies. fo sho'. tonight was another success & i can not wait til next week; my uncle is going to the philippines for 3 months. me madre will be using his car & i will be using hers. holluh. adventures all around! yay!

i love my boyfriend. i love him. to the max kind. riiight? well sometimes, well most of the time. haha -=) he gets on my nerves. but i love him & thats all that fucking matters. right babe? yes! well hes making some tuna shit riight now & im just typing away. tomorrow we're gonna get his tires mounted. hes really excited & next week hes gonna be showing in chinatown. so everyone wish him the best cuz his dream is to make big with car & be on the magazines. & im willing to do anything to make his dream come true. wooooorrrd? laater on playas.

&kisses;mariiaaa